ghost town

the trash trucks have packed up the remaining scraps around the neighborhood, the homeless do the recycling landlords should have made arrangements for, the "last call" beaconed all the drunkards from the dance floors, and they all mix in a flow of traffic tucked away before the kids go off to school.

gone again p1

Humbled and set in truth I tried to measure the validity
of our relationship for days before I walked with you down dirt path by the bay.
Together as a pair of eyes in time we wept on the inside
while executing flawless smiles not to worry one another.
I knew that it would happen soon
that you'd wise up and forget me too.
I planned to beat you to the upset.
i gave you the sack of shit and cast you out amongst the flies.
Gave you a couple steps before you looked back, before I took off in full stride.
It'll be a long time gone before we find a second home.
And quitting held a place so warm in both of our hearts.
So I give up on the dreams bestowed by movies we watched with young souls.
Vibrant and innocent unbeknown to the sticky web we rattled and sunk further in.
where to begin?
where did we get lost?
who gave in?

I fucking hate you.

I end up as the train,
rusted in place.
Wheels frozen in place,
brakes corroded tightly,
And you are the high grass around my tracks.
You are the field that rolls into the west.
You are the rotting flowers that were a fushia at best.
But now you've browned dried up and fallen in to the dust.
I end up this train,
stuck here with you.
Empty inside,
dried up and rusted outside.
When I lift my voice it dies.
When I try speak my peace it subsides.
I'm awash in my hate for you.
And I wish my wheel could grind over you.
The last thing i wanted to do.
Is be used by you.
Is that best that you can do,
mame me when I said I'd stay.
I wish the worst for you.
I wish the worst for you.
This old body has been broken down.
But it rot into the ground.
I may fall apart but I'll see you fall down.
You'll go before I do I guarantee this now.
And I can enjoy my last moments before I see the sun go down.
This is lost cause in the with the sun lit silhouette of the rotted out train rusted solid.

in progress

dark stains on the stretched t shirt of the awkward shuffling man drawn out like tear drops had toppled cross his chin but the hell with that assumption because it's the saliva dribbling, rolling down his chin, it's methadone a little after morning after the school kids all clocked in this is the eclectic road I linger on searching for smile in the crowd of truly docile personalities that project such violence, in the bleeding gums and yellowed teeth and smokey concealed gulps, I bared through all my inversion a complicated  smile, try to soak it in gentlemen who address the train for profit, please take a glance jobless veteran I love you for efforts, take stance down trodden project dwelling citizens for some of you have obviously given up

I am for the most part built of my mistakes,

my injuries left scars 

skin concealed the bruises and they remain,

in the end of everything will i still be the same

heavily medicated thoughts properly separated to allow me to make it through the day.

And if I ever find heaven after living through hell

I figure this belly filled with anger might alleviate itself

because the walls have creaked and wretched in place with the twisting of my innards

I am ashamed so ashamed to be alive.

I wish that tabacco came with fortunes that wished you good health

so while I'm sucking on the poison I can feel good about myself.

And though I've cried inside and bled tears for my cigarette to ash in.

I still create body of work which is all I'm worth here and after.

Because when I die a gallery will find all of my faults.

In the heavy strokes and lack of energy that were referred to as triumphs.

The paintings of symmetry that hid the chaos with blacks.

Will cost twice what I would have ever got it's happy thought if it had.

but in the meantime I'll just keeping rolling this thought through my head.

Union and 5th

you are the stray pubic hair stuck to the urinal cake,

you are stranger that bothers to mutter through the silence of the train.

If it's okay just wander without taking break,

I just afraid that this stranger not a stalker in wait.

It's just an answer I could go without.. 

morning of feb 4th.

Doors hang off hinges
swing
creek
and rest in another position,
while the wind gust tunnels down this side street to escape,
the administration of caffeine to this docile evaluation of my emotions
is just like lying in bed damning it all that your awake,
my feet dangle useless off the edge of the bed
my muscles tighten like they have been used a much as they could,
the light cast a rectangle on the wall through the window
and that seems a lot more important than how I'm feeling,
If for a moment
i took in the to do lists I've got in front of me
I'd roll over in my comforter grave,
In the best interest
of myself and connected people
I think it's best that in this bed, I remain.
If our brains were to work as the birds' brains work maybe we could get done each task without delay,
but alas I've got distractions and so many delightful attachments that my bird brain can be entertained day after day.